


Only Him

by emillywinter



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Awkward Boners, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Caves, Falling In Love, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, reading erotic content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-29 16:05:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13930521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emillywinter/pseuds/emillywinter
Summary: It has always been the same to Levi; blood, spit, mud, piss, shit, semen... Whatever dirt or filth he had encountered was a plague to him. After all, he had lived for so long bathed in those things that all he wanted now was to be clean. And, he could deal with first few if there was a good enough reason for him to do so; but, the last one together with everything related to sex needed to be avoided by every means necessary. However, the only exception is if it has something to do with Eren.





	1. Chapter 1

Only Him  
Chapter 1

It has always been the same to him; blood, spit, mud, piss, shit, semen... Whatever dirt or filth he had encountered was a plague to him. After all, he had lived for so long bathed in those things that all he wanted now was to be clean. And, he could deal with first few if there was a good enough reason for him to do so; but, the last one together with everything related to sex needed to be avoided by every means necessary. 

And, it was not like he couldn’t live without sex; he knew what it was and how it was done; and perhaps, that was the essence of the problem. He had seen enough, hidden under the bed, while countless anonymous men had fucked, drilled, banged, and screwed his mother leaving her in pain and filth; and it was more then enough; so, he knew that he would not ever do the same to any woman, or any man. And, it really didn’t matter to him if someone was a male or a female; every single body even his own, cleaned every night and every morning, was filthy and dirty. He didn’t want to touch someone’s dirty pussy or someone’s filthy ass. Besides, dealing with someone else’s dick would be equally disgusting and he had long ago left the life full of foul things.

On the other hand, he only had few problems with his own cock; it erected only after dreamless sleep and it would go down as soon as he would think about anything related to the intercourse. So, why it wasn’t working now?

He was in a tight and narrow space; some sort of underground tunnel or a cave. He had run in there with the idiot of a brat under his arm, unconscious and freshly ripped out from his Titan form. 

The mission was just another routine thing, mapping out the land beyond the Wall, just like Edwin had commanded. The danger was everywhere and everyone has been prepared to die; such was the life of a soldier. One after the other, comrades died leaving the brat alone to fight almost an army of Titans. He and the kid were only survivors and that was only because he had enough strength left to pull out the boy and enough gas in his equipment to fly them few miles south in the direction of the rocky mountain filled up with holes and caves. That was five hours ago. 

He could still hear the growling sound of Titans in their vicinity; thus, he knew that nether of them could get out until long after dark when Titans would became statues with the lack of sunlight. So, he waited, holding the kid between his legs leaned on his chest while his own back was touching the rocky end of the dirty tunnel. 

However, it was the first time in his life when he was glad for the silent deficiency of sight that dark provided. At least now, when the kid would wake up he wouldn’t be able see his heated cheeks and the idiotic face expression that was painted with both pain and arousal that he knew he was feeling.

And as on queue, the boy started to move, pushing his body more towards his own; and he had only a moment left to put one of his hands over his dick in order to hide the shame that was all but erupting between his legs. 

“Eren.”

“Capitan, where are we?” The boy’s voice was weak and confused.

After explaining the situation using short words that spoke only about facts, the silence had surrounded them once again. One hour had passed, maybe two; and he was still holding the boy pressed - back to his chest, with one hand between them; not daring to move even if there was enough space; which wasn’t the case. 

Honestly, he wasn’t even sure how he managed to pull them both inside; the tunnel was the size of a coffin, only slightly higher; and he couldn’t help himself but to compare those two, as the darkness and the smell of mud and rocks was so similar to the feeling that one would get by being in that eternal box. 

“Capitan, I need to pee.” The boy has spoken again pulling Levi away from his thoughts.

“For fuck’s sake; fucking hold it.” 

He didn’t need to deal with this shit. He himself wanted to release his own bladder but he wouldn’t dare; never again; he is a fucking person, not an animal. Hence, he had enough of the control to know that he would rather die that swim in such filth. It would be disgusting and he was feeling dirty just thinking about it; but even in this state of mind his erection didn’t go away. And, he would laugh out loud if he wasn’t on the breaking line, ready to cry if both of shits between his legs wouldn’t stop annoying him. 

“I am not sure that I can control it any longer. The entire control my body has goes into healing process.”

And, Levi had almost thought that he should count himself lucky that the little shit didn’t need to go number two on him. 

“I will just go out for a bit.” the boy said trying to stand up but failing miserably. 

“No. They are still outside. We don’t leave until the night.”

“I really, really, really can’t control it. So, please, help me to stand up. I will go outside.” The boy started to move around yet again, not caring if Titans would eat his sorry ass as long as he didn’t piss himself in Capitan’s lap. 

“Don’t you fucking move, you little shit.” Levi’s voice was odd even to himself. It was rough and almost angry; but, not as angry as he needed it to be in his mind. He couldn’t believe that he was saying this.

“If you need to piss, you fucking piss.”

And nothing happened. One minute has passed; two even; until he heard sobbing sounds escaping the boy’s mouth and he felt a little warm and wet pool of water under his own ass. He silently hugged the boy pulling him even closer; the other hand was still on his raging dick that was hard as a rock behind his back.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The night came and they went out. The kid was fully healed; however, he didn’t look anywhere but to the ground and Levi couldn’t blame him. He was only grateful that his erection went down as soon as the fresh air hit his nose and the boy was out of his arms. Days went by and not one word has been spoken between two of them as they were both embarrassed with the situation in which they found themselves on that day. 

However, that didn’t mean that Levi’s thoughts were not almost all related to the boy with green eyes. His mind was failing him as he couldn’t grasp why he was aroused every time that he thought of Eren or why he didn’t mind that much that he was sitting in the pond of piss for two hours. He was both confused and overwhelmed and he couldn’t understand the signals his body was telling him. 

Nevertheless, that changed a month later when he was reading a book Hanji has given him. Honestly, he wasn’t entirely sure why he has even bothered reading it. Everything that they would give him was honest to God, in one way or the other, demented. This particular book was one of those with erotic nature and he would never read such a filth if the story wasn’t about two soldiers that fought for freedom. Then, explicit words started and he couldn’t look away. He was way too deep to stop and he wanted to know the ending so bad that he even considered reading few filthy things along the way. 

However, the dirty content wasn’t the worst thing about that peculiar situation. After every few lines he would uncomfortably shift in his chair and look around noting that Eren was bent over, on his knees scrubbing the floor in that same room.

It wasn’t odd for the boy to be doing this; after all, he was on a cleaning duty that day. And, Levi was proud to admit that he had always found kid’s cleaning standards the most similar to his own. Besides, after Eren’s cleaning everything looked so much better and even without checking the list Levi would always know if Eren had cleaned something or not. 

He moved his eyes away from the boy and back to the lines of his book. His cheeks went red as soon as he read that cursed paragraph. 

_‘The time had almost stopped all around them; and there were only two of them bent and tangled on old castle’s floor. He needed to have him, needed to feel him in the most primal of all ways. His dick was hard and the body beneath him was ready for the taking. With one strong thrust he was inside, pushing in that tight, warm ass and the other soldier moaned his name. God, he wanted to be buried in there for all the eternity. Their love was all the freedom that he needed; they both knew that as they moved as one; stabbing, and screaming, thrusting in and out, wanting nothing more then to fill each other with their essence.’_

Levi looked away from the words and carefully watched Eren’s hips moving, up and down, in some alluring rhythm. That tight ass was wiggling in the air, calling and demanding to be fucked. And, he was mortified with his train of thoughts and more so with his entirely hard dick that was ready to explode stimulated just with mental images of Eren and himself becoming one. 

He was breathing so hard and he was certain that the kid would hear his heart raging inside rib cage. He needed to get out, go as far away from the boy as possible. Acting out on those impulses would be the worst thing that he could do to him; he would make him dirty, take away boy’s purity. And, he didn’t want to do that regardless of the fact that his dick was killing him. 

Nevertheless, he finally understood; he now knew that he wanted the boy in the most basic and filthy way and the fact that he was disgusted with himself for even thinking about it, not to mention for wanting it, didn’t change a thing. 

He closed the book and put it over his crotch aria. Then, he turned around and went in the direction of his room, needing privacy above all else; needing it almost as much as he needed to run from the innocent body in front of him. 

The eternal greenness found a way to him; and, as the boy looked at his Capitan, silence that lasted a month was being broken.

“Capitan, are you ok?” 

The boy asked a question; and regardless of the amount of guilt that he would feel later for not answering it, Levi silently kept going towards the door as if he heard nothing and as if the boy meant nothing. It was for Eren’s own good.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Levi was panting loudly. His room seamed so far away and after every step that he took he prayed to God that no one sees him. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to him; thirty something years in this cursed existence and this shit had never happened. However, it only took one Eren fucking Jaeger to make him hard as a fuck and breathing more loud then after killing twenty Titans. And, the worst thing or the best thing - depends on how you look at it; the boy didn’t even know that he was doing this to him. 

Shaky hand was on the door handle of his room. Good; he had made it one peace with no one finding out about dirty problem between his legs. 

_Ok, it is not that hard; just think about gross things and it will go away._

He started to think and instantly his mind got invaded by disgusting images; shit, old man shitting, diarrhea, piss, Eren in his lap, Levi’s hands around him.... 

_Fuck; this is not working._

His dick was even harder now and, his entire body was shaking with want. 

_Eren... Eren’s eyes looking at him... That little drop of sweat that was leaking on his neck when he was bent over scrubbing the floor... God, how he wanted to lick it, to taste it; fucking disgusting._

And, however odd it may be, the only disgusting thing in Levi’s mind was the thought of himself, a dirty old man having a hard on by thinking about kid more then half of his age. The shear level of decadence was making him want to scrub his soul with a cleaning brush. 

He breathed in and breathed out. 

_If the regular stuff didn’t work he will just need to do something else. Ok; he could do that._

So, Levi started to remove his clothes; one item at the time. The first was his cravat, then his jacket, and then, the shirt. Shaky fingers barely managed to open a button. He would laugh to himself if the entire situation wasn’t so sad. 

_Humanity’s strongest can’t open a button._

He was mortified with that thought and almost terrified that he still managed to imagine Eren’s hands around him, his eyes looking at him, fingers moving on his shirt - unbuttoning it, taking it of, then moving lower, taking other clothing items off, taking his pants off, touching his naked skin....

And he looked down. His dick was extremely hard and proud and it was staring back at him; a bit of precum on the top, wet and shiny. 

_God, why was this happening to him?_

That question was occupying his conscience and in that moment he had thought that he went crazy as he was so desperate for this lust to stop; for everything to stop. And perhaps, he could run away from someone else’s dirt, someone else’s filthy thoughts - just leave; but he couldn’t walk away from himself; from his dirty body and mind that were betraying him.

“Go the fuck down!” 

_And, he was now talking to his dick; what the fuck was wrong with him?_

He went to the bathroom; naked and flushed. The moment that water hit his shoulders he took one deep breath. He closed his eyes listening to the sound of everything and it was lulling him back to his thoughts. 

He couldn’t help but wander how would Eren feel like. He could imagine those green eyes looking at him, that mouth moving, making sounds of his name, calling him. And, just like that he could almost hear the boy’s voice as if it was real; as if Eren stood right next to him.

“Capitan, would you like to fuck me?”

His dick twitched. It was so painfully hard; so big and so thick and the tip was almost purple with all the blood that was in there. The vain on it was displayed more then ever and he could feel his balls getting heavy with their load. 

For fuck’s sake; he needed to scrub everything clean. _It was so dirty, so filthy._ So, he took the soap in his hands and started to scrape the cursed piece of flesh. His fingers started to rub on it, moving up and down, trying to clean it.

A pleasurable moan left his mouth. It felt good; _it felt so fucking good_. 

And, his mind was blank with the exceptions of pictures that started to occupy his every though; mental images of Eren, of Eren and himself. And, he could see the boy in front of him, and he could hear his voice in his head. And, he just let go.

Fingers shifting; fingers gently pressing the skin on his dick, moving it; and he made a fist out of his hand, and pressed his dick through it. He pushed in, letting the flash of his hand embrace it from all sides. 

_It was tight, it was nice. It could almost be Eren._

_And, how would Eren’s voice sound like? Would he call his name as if it was the most precious thing in the world? Would he call out as if saying it and doing nothing more could bring pleasure to the both of them?_

“Eren...” – He called out the boy’s name. His voice was rough, somehow twisted and it barely sounded like his own voice. 

He moaned again; hand around his dick tightening. The boy’s name on his lips was making him think about that ass that was wiggling while scrubbing the floor. 

_Eren looked so good, he was so hot._

And, Levi would give everything to shove his hard cock into that tight space. 

_If his hand felt so good; Eren would feel million times better._

He could imagine Eren’s hot walls clenching around him; pulling him inside. And, he could think about Eren squeezing him, taking him, begging for him.

Hand moved faster and he was thrusting firmer in it. His movements were so wild, so uncontrolled; and, he could feel something inside him growing, becoming bigger. 

_God, it felt good. Just a bit more..._

He needed more of that feeling. It felt like there was a rampant fire inside his stomach demanding, growing; nearly exploding. And, he pushed in again; his dick piercing trough his fist; his mind imaging Eren’s tight entrance all around him; and, he screamed, on the edge, falling over, erupting. 

Hot white sperm was shooting from his dick painting the shower floor in white stains, then disappearing and moving away, circling in round motion until it went into the drain.

_So, this is an orgasm?_

It was disgusting; a groan man coming for the first time in his life; thinking about fifteen year old boy, wanting him more then anything, needing him more then he needed to breathe.

_For fuck’s sake._

He felt ashamed; so dirty, so filthy, both body and soul. And, he knew that regardless of how much he scrubbed he would never be clean; and, he knew that regardless of how much he was ashamed he would never stop wanting the boy. His mind and his body both decided: they wanted; no, they needed only Eren.


End file.
